|
Post by unclegarf on Jan 24, 2019 4:31:34 GMT -8
Came up in conversation about living longer and and the notion of sustainable relationships for a lifetime. Walking my old Staffy Sally around the cemetery down the road, I'm often reading the older headstones and my creative head making up the stories behind them. So many dying at what we would think of as young ages, seventy being right at the high end. I'm hurtling towards my 66th year so it make me think. Like many, I'd have been long dead a couple of times if not for modern medicine. I'd certainly have suffered constant pain for many years without the health care for hip replacements, etc.
When reaching mid fifties was not that long ago considered not too bad, staying married for twenty to thirty years was more doable. In a time when reaching our nineties is normal, are we really expected to stay with one partner for sixty plus years?
I had about thirty years with my partner, 24 actually married. She was divorced once before we met.
Has the concept of being married for life realistic? Doesn't this open up so many story possibilities? Your turn. And lets have some of you who read these things but never contribute having your say.
|
|
|
Post by ChrisLAdams on Jan 24, 2019 7:13:33 GMT -8
Came up in conversation about living longer and and the notion of sustainable relationships for a lifetime. Walking my old Staffy Sally around the cemetery down the road, I'm often reading the older headstones and my creative head making up the stories behind them. So many dying at what we would think of as young ages, seventy being right at the high end. I'm hurtling towards my 66th year so it make me think. Like many, I'd have been long dead a couple of times if not for modern medicine. I'd certainly have suffered constant pain for many years without the health care for hip replacements, etc. When reaching mid fifties was not that long ago considered not too bad, staying married for twenty to thirty years was more doable. In a time when reaching our nineties is normal, are we really expected to stay with one partner for sixty plus years? I had about thirty years with my partner, 24 actually married. She was divorced once before we met. Has the concept of being married for life realistic? Doesn't this open up so many story possibilities? Your turn. And lets have some of you who read these things but never contribute having your say. I've known people who were happily married for 50 years. So no, it's not unrealistic. It happens. All the time and everywhere around the world. The idea you're (I think) referring to, is that of getting bored with your partner/spouse. Let's examine this from another angle. Say you've had a best friend for years. Are you going to put an expiry date on that friendship? "Well, sorry old bud - I tossed the milk out this morning, and tonight - you've gotta go. Hard to believe twenty-five years passed like a snap, ain't it?!?" Love doesn't have an expiration date. You have to find new ways to enjoy one another as time passes. Just like with good friends. My bet is you don't have the same conversations with a best bud today that you had twenty-five or thirty years ago. Times change, people change -- but we adapt. The idea of just getting bored with a spouse and ditching them like expired milk is distasteful. A relationship -- of any kind -- requires maintenance. It isn't easy, and it doesn't just happen by itself. It calls for work. I think that people saying they just don't love their spouse any more is their way of admitting they're lazy. If you are that lazy in your relationships, and you fall in and out of love that easily, I feel you should do everyone a favor and abstain from making what is supposed to be a lifetime commitment. If you know in your heart of hearts you can't deliver, then don't build someone else's hopes and dreams up, only to destroy them after a few years have passed. And to do that time and time again? We've all known people like that. Married for third, or fourth, or fifth time. They need to just date and have flings and stay out of the more serious game of marriage. It isn't for everyone. As my Uncle is fond of saying: "Having fun ain't for wimps." No, it certainly is not. On the other hand, I agree, this could be the basis of some interesting futuristic stories.
|
|
|
Post by unclegarf on Jan 24, 2019 10:18:05 GMT -8
My ex didn't divorce her first husband because she was bored but because he was abusive and violent and she also had to protect two children. As for our marriage, people do change and although the love never went away, the time was right to move on. I would hardly call a relationship of thirty years a whim and I wouldn't make judgement call on others. As for falling in and out of love, I was only in love once. 42% of UK marriages end in divorce. Hopefully yours will be in the 58 %
My free short story on smash "the phone never rings" explores a long life of love. Get the hankies ready when reading.
|
|
|
Post by jjmainor on Jan 24, 2019 10:40:04 GMT -8
I guess it depends on how bad you want to be with someone. Love is easy, but a marriage takes work. When the local news does the fluff pieces on people who have been married forever, they usually describe the work they put into their marriages as the key to longevity (even though they don't describe it as "work."). If a relationship gets stale and you want to keep it together, then you just need to find a way to make it fresh again.
|
|
|
Post by ChrisLAdams on Jan 24, 2019 13:06:57 GMT -8
I wouldn't make judgement call on others... Well, you asked for opinions. Every 'opinion' is a judgement of sorts. It's my opinion. So sue me. If everyone on the internet disagrees with me, it won't revise my opinion one iota because I didn't form it based on trying to please them, and they're certainly welcome to form their own which I may not ascribe to. Your question sounded like it was framed from the view point of: "Since we're living longer nowadays, can we really be expected to stay married till we go on to greener pastures?" My thought on the matter is, "Well, it does say 'till death do us part!' At least on this side of the pond, anyway. What do you say in the UK - "Till boredom doth the twain do part?" Now, I know some get married at Elvis shows and court houses etc. Maybe these types of arrangements should be considered more along the lines of a business deal. You're .. joining .. for the tax etc benefits you'll mutually enjoy. And when you done with one another -- or at least one of you is -- you 'annul' your business arrangement and go find another 'business deal.' One with a 20 year-younger beef cake or hottie. At least that seems to be the way the world thinks now. It's all about what makes you feel good, right? Keep writing, Gary. If you solve this one, you'll be a millionaire before you can say . . . "Will you marry me?"
|
|
|
Post by ChrisLAdams on Jan 24, 2019 13:20:52 GMT -8
My ex didn't divorce her first husband because she was bored but because he was abusive and violent... Totally different story, there -- agreed. But we weren't discussing such problems, that I knew of. We were discussing a normal marriage that just happens to last 20 or 30 years longer than marriages did in the past. But wait! How old was Moses? Methusela? George Burns! OMGosh. Those guys were old.
|
|
|
Post by ChrisLAdams on Jan 24, 2019 13:28:17 GMT -8
42% of UK marriages end in divorce. Hopefully yours will be in the 58 %... Thanks Gary. I hope so, too. I'm happy where I am, and don't see that changing no matter how many decades speed into the past. We have fun. And we argue. And we struggle. And we get stressed. And on and on.
|
|
|
Post by unclegarf on Jan 24, 2019 14:30:15 GMT -8
Actually, my wife and I did go to las Vegas for a great weekend but I don't recall Elvis there. We did however have a second ceremony in Gretna Green which was really nice. My original point was more of a philosophical one based on the premise that in the whole of humanity, of the last hundred years or less we are living far longer than we ever did. That being so, and if that trend continues, how are our expectations of our relationships going to change if at all. By all means folk should give their P O V and opinions, but perhaps not to be too quick to make assumptions about the lives of others.
|
|
|
Post by Julie Harris on Jan 24, 2019 15:30:21 GMT -8
Bugger living to 100. Thanks, but no. I am into my second marriage now, 14 years. We are still best friends.
|
|
|
Post by Ted on Jan 24, 2019 16:09:32 GMT -8
I thought I was happily married until the divorce papers were served. I got married because I got drunk one night with my future mother in-law who told me if I married Liz then her father could tear out her bedroom and finish the living room expansion.
Ken, Liz, and Bea had been picking at the tear-down-the-bedroom scab for months and finally I had gotten to the point of drunkenness I forgot my father's advice "Never agree to anything when you're drunk"
Liz arrives home to find her mother and I had gone through two bottles of amber rum. Her mom announces "Ted's agreed to finish the living room. You're getting married." Then a long pause where upon no one spoke. Finally I got up enough courage to say "Yeah. That's right. I'm going home and will talk to you tomorrow when I'm sober."
The next day I explained I was not in love with her but did enjoy her company and will stick by my pronouncement of yesterday and do my best to see she is happy in our relationship.
Liz said she wanted a week or two to go out with some of her old boyfriends to see if there is any spark left or not. We were married 20 years.
|
|
|
Post by unclegarf on Jan 24, 2019 16:23:49 GMT -8
Brilliant, Ted. Now (Hik) that's how a philophosical...phylhosophical (Hik) good ole banter should be. Pass the amber rum!
|
|
|
Post by djmills on Jan 25, 2019 0:52:19 GMT -8
All good thoughts. :-)
I read one SciFi series (can't remember the author) where the oldies did not die, they just rejuvenated (magic or advanced medicine I think) and kept living, being the rulers, in charge of spaceships, the navy, and all top positions in every industry. The stories looked at the youth coming of age with no top jobs to aspire to because they knew the oldies would just rejuv again, so they finally rebelled.
Another series by Dean Wesley Smith is where time travel has to be done by oldies so they sneak out of the aged care residences and time travel somewhere, get their young bodies back, and join space ship crews to defend earth. When the jobs are done they time travel back to present, back into their old bodies and back to the aged care facilities. Really good series, but I have only read two of the stories so far. :-)
So, there could be aged readers looking to explore old age and their use in society in different genres. But please, don't give them memory loss, I would not read that as I am living it with my 90+ year old mum. :-)
I remember another scifi book/series? where the characters took 2, 3 or 7 year marriage contracts to have children to take over their businesses, then went their separate ways, or took out another marriage contract with someone else. It was a way to amalgamate their businesses, without suffering their partners for very long. I think most of the ruthless business owners arranged accidents once the female had a few kids. :-)
So, I guess we could come up with older humans, put them in situations (genres) where they use their own lifetime experiences to solve each situation.
|
|
|
Post by unclegarf on Jan 25, 2019 1:27:10 GMT -8
The second one sounds like cocoon? I suppose my really, really old space tripper Craggy covered all the "old" stuff. He was still having adventures aged 100 plus. My new one has the dreaded time-travel pitfalls to encounter which is probably why I have pulled up into a writers parking lot as I determine direction. Age supposedly gives us wisdom, but I guess I never got that memo. Books don't have to be filled with the young and beautiful. Character and storyline are far more important.
|
|
|
Post by ChrisLAdams on Jan 25, 2019 6:21:39 GMT -8
All good thoughts. :-) I read one SciFi series (can't remember the author) where the oldies did not die, they just rejuvenated (magic or advanced medicine I think) and kept living, being the rulers, in charge of spaceships, the navy, and all top positions in every industry. The stories looked at the youth coming of age with no top jobs to aspire to because they knew the oldies would just rejuv again, so they finally rebelled. Another series by Dean Wesley Smith is where time travel has to be done by oldies so they sneak out of the aged care residences and time travel somewhere, get their young bodies back, and join space ship crews to defend earth. When the jobs are done they time travel back to present, back into their old bodies and back to the aged care facilities. Really good series, but I have only read two of the stories so far. :-) So, there could be aged readers looking to explore old age and their use in society in different genres. But please, don't give them memory loss, I would not read that as I am living it with my 90+ year old mum. :-) I remember another scifi book/series? where the characters took 2, 3 or 7 year marriage contracts to have children to take over their businesses, then went their separate ways, or took out another marriage contract with someone else. It was a way to amalgamate their businesses, without suffering their partners for very long. I think most of the ruthless business owners arranged accidents once the female had a few kids. :-) So, I guess we could come up with older humans, put them in situations (genres) where they use their own lifetime experiences to solve each situation. Some pretty darn strange ideas there, DJ. It never fails to amaze me what the human mind can envision. And I love time travel stuff. That put me in mind of the old twilight zone episode that begins in a retirement home. One of them wants to revisit the halcyon days of their youth by playing some of their old games, and convinces others to join them. But one is reluctant. The ones who do join him in playing Ring around the Rosie and Kick the Ball end up turning back into children, while the grump who refused remains old. But the grouch witnessed the others return to their youths and disappear, and so runs after them in regret --- but too late, DJ! Too late!
|
|
|
Post by Ted on Jan 25, 2019 13:39:05 GMT -8
Brilliant, Ted. Now (Hik) that's how a philophosical...phylhosophical (Hik) good ole banter should be. Pass the amber rum! My recipe for standard size 10-12 button mixer: fill glass/plastic mixer container to 1/2 full with rum, plop in 2-3 tablespoons of Coco Lopez Coconut Creme (heaping not level tablespoons), then top container with pineapple juice. Place hand on mixer top and hold down. Push the Burst button a few times move the mix around and to see what spillage may occur. Place hand on mixer top and hold down while selecting mixing speed suitable to splashing about mixture. Ingredient amounts may vary by personal taste.
Update: Glasses: 4 8-ounce glasses. Toss in 3-4 ice cubes, pour mixture in glasses. Place 2 glasses in fridge, start refreshing yourself with other two glasses. Start mixing new batch as required, repeat.
|
|