Post by swinebuckle on Nov 13, 2012 5:59:41 GMT -8
Hello to all reading this. This is my first post here and I would just like to tell everyone about a new short story I've recently completed for free. It's call "Smashwords Writing Duel", below is the description of the story that can be found on smashwords. Doh.....Before I forget, here's the link to the story as well:
Trevor Ian Thomson was one clever guy. He began reviewing on Smashwords, taking great pleasure criticizing mistakes within stories, be they bad spelling to bad grammar. But when challenged to write his own story by an author called Jack Van Mason the reviews he received where at times as critical as his own. The only difference being that there criticism fell upon his ideas and originality. But he knew he was right. And so with a little detective work he decides to track down Jack Van Mason and see the fool for what he is.
(You don’t need to be a writer or reviewer on smashwords to read this story…but it helps!)
If you read this story then I would much appreciate it if you would review the story (weather the review be good or bad) as any feedback would be most helpful.
Post by swinebuckle on Jan 30, 2013 5:02:17 GMT -8
Here's some important information about me that you should or should not know?
My favourite words:...knickers, bra's, boobs, bums, knockers, shit, shite, bollicks, twat, boobs (such a good word it needed to be said twice), gussets, stains, ugabalooga, randy, stodgeflaps, fgkgkujhghrewh, and TURD!
My Hobbies: 1_Are you bored. Then do what I do. Take off all your clothes and paint your face and arse bright blue. Then run outside and shout abuse at passers-by....passes the time if nothing else! 2_managed 18 keepy ups with ye olds pigs bladder once....What's that you say? Not that impressive you say! Well. What I failed to tell you was that the pigs bladder that I did the 18 keepy ups with was still inside the pig! 3_Not pissing on Milthy Swinebuckle if he where ever to catch fire 4_scratching my arse! 5_Watching Milthy get his arse kicked by a three legged tortoise 6_Scratching my arse and..oh wait you've alrady said that! Ah, what the hell. It's a good one so I'll say it again. 8_Wondering what happened to hobby seven? 9_Plus...yawning, farting, drinking ten bottles of brown, smoking (various substances) and how to become immune to getting kneed in the balls from various women who find my charming advances not to their liking!
Most prized possesion: Hiltlers missing left testicale (NOT FOR SALE).
Post by swinebuckle on Feb 10, 2013 5:55:20 GMT -8
Just put this on. A compilation called "No sense and nonsense". Below is a brief description:
A few light-hearted pieces I have written and decided to compile together here. This includes 3 POEMS, 4 RIDDLES and a short silly story-like-thing called “The Egg”. Anyone who reads this, I would much appreciate a review (be it good or bad) as any feedback I consider most helpful.
Here's some even more important information about the person who writes the sqiggles that make the whole world frown in despair!
My most famous quotes: 1_A step in the right direction can still mean the death of an ant! 2_I look down on almost everybody...although come to think about it, it's probaly because I do climb a lot of trees 3_You know that poem "if", what a load of crap. Kipling got it all wrong. What he should have said was "If you can portray the ideas you get to a sober man (no matter how shite though's ideas may be), and keep a straight face. Then you'll be a man MA SON! 4_HMMMMMM........I think I'll eat my socks! 5_MMMMM.......cheese and onion flavour .........NNNNIIIICCCCEEE!!!! 6_Ignore the above quote's and instead just read and live your life by number 7. 7 As far as I am concerned you should not judje a fellow person on there looks, sex, race or beliefs. Their are only two types of people: 1_Everyday ordinary people who just want to get on with there lives and not bother anybody else...2_The preachers, the arsholes and the gobshites who want to tell you what you should do and how you should be doing it.
A couple of weeks ago I posted a sword and sorcery type story called "A Fools Revenge". It's just shy of 3000 words so if you fancy a quick read with a bit of wizardry and evil demons, this should take but half an hour.
Post by swinebuckle on Mar 26, 2013 15:50:15 GMT -8
Brand new spanking story that I,ve just posted on smashwords called "the Ghost Of A Chance": Breif description follows...
Who are we? Us, who live like savages, hunted by orks and wargs both day and night. And what part do the strange creatures we call the babblers have to play in all of this? This is the story of a father and daughter and the part they played in discovering some of the truth of the many confusing questions that wandered through the minds of the people.
………………………………………… This story came about as part of a writing challenge me and Mick Carter set ourselves to write an original ghost story. If you like this story then why not check out Mick’s as well, it’s called “Undcontainable”.
Also if you have read this story then why not leave a review. Any feedback (be it good or bad) is most welcome.
Why are you reading this? Why am I writing this? It's a mind boggler to say the least. While you think about the answer why not read a little bit more about me, my arch enemies and the charity work i partake in:
My Arch Enemies: 1_Milthy Swinebuckle....Beware he who sneaks, creeps, sqaukes and chortles. He who goes by many names. Names such as....Archibald Stott, Feagus the mostly sqiudgy, Terrance the quite nasty tormentor etc.., but to me I shall always know him as Milthy Swinebuckle (or if I meet him face to face....ARSEWIPE). 2_Mr.Hairy Monkfish....Swinebuckle's main henchman (and suspected bumchum) 3_Randy Stodgeflaps....not much to say about this guy except he is one of Swinebuckle's best mates and a bit of a ballbag!
Charity work.....Milthy Swinebuckle has been infected with writers teretts. Only i can help him. I really hope I don't catch it though, as every few words he writes he can't stop himself writing "KNICKERS" or"ARSE" or some other filthy word. It takes him a good twenty minutes to write and edit a single sentance. I really "NADS" feel sorry "BOOBS" for the "GUSSETS" poor guy......"B...BB...BBB BOTOMSSS, ARSHOLES, PANTS,......oh bugger".
PS: Milthy ya little ninnyhammer, how are things. I ain't heard from ya me old buddy for some time. I hope you've not been arrested again for snorting tadpoles out'ta Mrs.Plunderthunks fishpond....ya dirty little sod?
Post by swinebuckle on Apr 26, 2013 7:15:49 GMT -8
Recently just put another one of my old stories onto smashwords. This ones a short comic piece (with no swearing....although!!!)entitled "The Unforgettable Names Of The Forgotten Gods". If you fancy it then why not give it a quick read.
Yet more FREE short story writing, this time the story I've posted is a detective story called Ya Can't catch a kipper with a spider". Here's a brief description: Detective story were uncouth detective Kirk "the kipper" McClacket recounts to us a very unusual and dangerous situation that he found himself in.
Visit my smashwords page if you fancy giving it, or any other of my stories a read.
Post by swinebuckle on Jun 16, 2013 11:48:14 GMT -8
And the lord did say that thy shalt not post on the smashwords forum while being pissed out of ones head after supping off a bottle of wine, finished with a few chasers of whisky....To which i did sayeth, Oh bollicketh...There goes yet another commandment "givien by some up his own arse deity" that i've gone and just broken'th.
My only reply to said deity being........shit,arse, f***, twat, arse shit, bollicks, balls, f***, f***, f***, f***, fucck....f***....fucking....fuckkkkinggg hellllll...shit, arse and bolicks!.....Please let me into heavon when I eventually pop my clogs....I'm only an athiest shithead because I know you don't exist...but apart from that.....?
Post by swinebuckle on Jun 17, 2013 12:51:30 GMT -8
Yet another brand new story. This one inspired by the fantasy game books by Steve Jackson and Ian Liningstone. It's entitled "You are the monster". It's short, virtually flash fiction. If you read it then please give it a review...go on...go on....go on....In the words of Mrs Doyle...go on and tell is what ya think....YA BUNCH OF SWINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Post by swinebuckle on Jun 17, 2013 12:55:25 GMT -8
A review to any of my stories would be most helpfull....Thankyou...Thankyou for listening....I promise never to type bollicks here again unless my fingers twitch towards the keyboard....in which case we're all f****....SORRY!