Post by swinebuckle on Aug 31, 2013 9:09:06 GMT -8
Just re-published a story on smashwords called “The Towering Inferno Versus the Mighty Quinn”. Here's a brief description:
“The Towering Inferno Versus the Mighty Quinn” is about a woman working in a sleazy strip-joint who has to use her guile and wit if she’s to overcome a mysterious lust filled fire demon type thingy (thingy being the optimum word here) that is intent on consuming her within its burning hellish flames.
This is a story that will certainly get you hot under the collar. ……………
If you have read this story then any feed back from a review (be it good or bad) would be most gratefully appreciated.
Post by swinebuckle on Sept 21, 2013 5:12:52 GMT -8
Here's a story I wrote a some time ago but have just placed on Smashwords. It's called "A week and a day in the lives of two angry young men". It's short (around 2000 words)and is a comedy/thriller type tale.
Post by swinebuckle on Jan 25, 2014 7:36:32 GMT -8
Hello my fine four-eyed friends. I would just like to tell you all about my new 18000 word scribblings that I have placed on Smashwords.
So here goes...
We are all very very different. And this story shows exactly how very different twenty six minds inside a pub can be.
Contains swearing, murderous plots, supernatural entities, and even your own sad pathetic self.
The following story comes in 26 separate parts (kind of like 26 pieces of flash fiction, but all linked in some way), and can be read in any order.
For example you could read the story in the traditional way from start to finish (this is the way I wrote the story), but this is the boring way to read it (and I'd rather you didn't). The story is supposed to be like a jigsaw, with each person reading it in a completely different way to the next. The purpose of this is so that each reader will realise different plot points at different stages as some of the stories interconnect with others.
Hopefully this will mean that everyone's experience as they read the story will be different.
To make mixing up the story easier, I have chosen to write it in 26 parts. The reason for this is that if you use a pack of playing cards you can match each card with the below list until all parts have been read.
Part 1_The Up And Coming Writer Part 2_The Spirit Of Writing Part 3_Derick The Husband Part 4_Marge The Wife Part 5_Little Selma The Four Year Old Daughter Part 6_The Balding Man In the Gray Suit Part 7_The Filler Men_PETER Part 8_The Filler Men_PAUL Part 9_F***** (well and truly) Part 10_Bob The Bastard "Landlord of the Weeping Dragon" Part 11_Gretta The Ice Queen "Landlady of the Weeping Dragon" Part 12_Hilda The Bitch "Bargirl of the Weeping Dragon" Part 13_Syrill The Fool Part 14_Billy's Story Part 15_The Heetman Part 16_The Kipper Feels The Heet Part 17_The Mighty Quinn Versus The Shameful Plug Part 18_The Shit Shock Horror Thing Part 19_Marge "The Third Landlady of the Weeping Dragon" Part 20_Archie The Superat Part 21_Thelma Stockfield "The Songwriter And Guitarist" Part 22_Morris Tinkleton "The Singer And The Complete And Utter " Part 23_The Brown Man Part 24_The Ark Angels Ronald's Quest For Alcohol Part 25_The Ultimate Atheist Part26_You
Here's some examples:
Part 1_any black ace (or one)_The Spirit Of Writing
Part 2_ any red ace (or one)_The Up And Coming Writer
Part 23 _ any black Queen_ The Brown Man
Part 24 _ any red Queen_The Ark Angels Ronald’s Quest For Alcohol
Part 9_any red five_F***** (well and truly)
Part 16_any black nine_The Kipper Feels The Heet
And so on and so forth...
Anyway that's all from me for now. Hope you enjoy the story.
Finished writing a new story (though I actually started it some 12 years ago) and have just put it onto Smashwords. The story entitled “The Long Slog Back” is free to download and read (just use the Smashwords search button, searching for Jonathan Antony Strickland and you should find my profile where you can download it and other scribblings from my gnarled and twisted fingers).
Its around 30 thousand words (a novella or about half the length of the average book) so it shouldn’t take too long to read. So if you like a ghost story with touches of humour and adventure, and not forgetting loads of hot unadulterated sex scenes then give it a go (this last part is a blatant lie, so pull your pants back up before you start reading you bunch of sick perverts).
Below is a brief description.
On a dark lonely night, a young lad, having missed his taxi, walks home after a night out with his mate. During the long slog back to Tremwell from Durham he encounters a girl in a pink dress in very unusual circumstances. However, after an awkward introduction the two hit it off and decide on trekking back together.
Things are going well for the young lad but there is something odd about the girl that he can’t quite put his finger on. However, with a belly full of beer and his bonny companion to keep him company he puts all other thoughts from his mind. That is until he realises what is actually wrong with her. The question he has to ask himself now is what is he holding hands with, and can he keep his nerve as the pair stroll along hand in hand.
My new free short story entitled "Have You Ever Nogged A Nag" can be found on my Smashwords page. Brief description and link below.
"So tell me. Have you ever nogged a nag?" Although it seems a simple enough question, it makes no sense! So what does it mean? And what would anyone make of such a question if asked when in training to become a government spy?
Post by swinebuckle on Oct 18, 2016 14:10:41 GMT -8
O.K everyone out there in that thing you humans call THE WORLD!!!! Here's another free short story entitled "My Idea For An Ideal Heaven" that can be found on my Smashwords page. It's pretty short, coming in at just over a thousand words, so if you fancy a quick five minute giggle then why not give it a read.
Yey another brief description will follow the link below.
So... Let's see... What is it I don't like? What can't I stand? What would I have to get rid of to make my ideal heaven? Without a shadow of a doubt the thing I personally would get rid of is...THE ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT THIS GREAT MYSTERY IS TO READ THE STORY!
Post by swinebuckle on Sept 21, 2017 13:40:59 GMT -8
The beginning of a new fantasy story:This is the bloody history of the Su'Varock Mines. It tells of how the mines came to be before they became filled with the vile anarchic creatures that now roam within them. For in the beginning the mines had once been controlled by devious minds that had unearthed great riches that the mountains of Su'Varock had held hidden beneath.
It's been proven that not all conspiracy theories you hear are totally accurate. In fact you'll be both surprised and shocked to learn that only 84% of all conspiracy theories are actually true. However, what I'm about to disclose on here, right now, this very second, the stuff that your eyes will see and your brain will decipher, will totally blow away your tiny mind and make the world in which you live a lot more salty! The reason for this is I can prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt that what I'm saying is fact (just as long as these damn wiggly fingers let me type out the truth). The ten conspiracy theories I'm about to disclose below are not just 100% accurate but scientifically proved to be exactly 112.632% (and a bit) accurate.
Theories/Truths/Truer Truths than the Truth/The Opposite Stuff to Bollicks
1_Knock off/extremely cheap cans of deodorant are filled with cancer cells made to wipe out the lower classes.
3_Donald Trump is real.
4_Chemtrails are nothing more than flying saucer farts.
5_Toilet paper doused in chemicals, make the fingers wiggle insanely and type out daft nonsense whenever you try to write something.
6_Shergar was actually a pantomime horse filled with a superhuman donkey!
7_The bible was written by William Shakespeare (Some say he was commissioned by God to write it as HE couldn't be arsed to do it himself! Others say it's a far more interesting story involving poor old Shakey being kidnapped by time travelling space monkey pirates. Unfortunately, no one knows which claim is actually true!)
8_The world is being run by good intelligent people who have the future of the human race at heart.
9_James Blunt's number one hit song "You're Beautiful" was originally entitled "You're breasts Are Full" and contained lyrics such as: .......................... My life was shitty My life was shitty My life was shite Get in there I'm sure (wa-hey!) They bounced at me on the subway Now I'm so in love with XXXX
You're XXXX are full. You're XXXXX are full Am I the only pervert with a smile on his face .......................... 10_Creatures from another dimension have created toilet paper that gathers your DNA, every time you wipe your bottom! They place the special constructed bog-roll (purposely made super tough and non-absorbent) within public toilets. The worlds governments found out about this despicable plan over thirty years ago but it is only within the last few years that some of the true HORROR of why the mysterious dimensional beings are doing what they are doing.
The creatures are growing human duplicates from the DNA and then dimensionally hopping through into our dimension, killing off the original human and replacing it with the duplicate... The problem here is the sample of the DNA they took. There's no nice way of putting this but the DNA sample that the new human is grown from contains large amounts of shit! Because of this the replacement human is far less superior than the original. What of course is more horrifying is that it's believed that over 67% of all humans over the age of seven (and a bit) have been replaced in this way.
These shit-for-brains are everywhere. And there's no knowing who's a shithead and who's not! There are of course scientific tests, but these can cost hundreds of thousands... The best way I've found to discover a shithead is simply by talking to them. Sooner or later they'll slip up. They'll say something so dumb, so atrociously fucking stupid that you'll be in no doubt that manure runs in their veins. This though of course is not totally fool proof as you yourself may well be a shithead!
We can only speculate as of why they are doing this and the current conclusion is this: Seeing as they are from another dimension, there cannot possibly be any repercussions for them monkeying around with ours (basically they're just having a laugh!)
P.S... Okay you got me. I can tell that you've spotted my cheeky little attempt to add a little fun into this disturbing list of home truths. But since you've spotted it, I'll hold up my hands and own up. I'll admit I snuck in one silly little lie, just for the fun of it. Number 3 is clearly a joke!
O.K... That's enough for now about conspiracy theories. Now for some more links to three of my new stories that I have on Smashwords: ............................
The Bloody History Of The Su'Varock Mines
This is the bloody history of the Su'Varock Mines. It tells of how the mines came to be before they became filled with the vile anarchic creatures that now roam within them. For in the beginning the mines had once been controlled by devious minds that had unearthed great riches that the mountains of Su'Varock had held hidden beneath.
Not bit by a dog or cat mind you. Not by something slightly more outlandish such as a fox, rat, snake, spider or duck! Not even by something big and dangerous like a man eating tiger, or something tiny but equally as dangerous as a mosquito carrying a thousand deadly diseases. Oh no... You managed to top all that lot, didn't you! What... getting bit by ordinary everyday stuff not good enough for you? You just had to go one better than the normal bite victim and get yourself bit by a walking rotting corpse. What's that you say? You never meant to get bit by it. I suppose there was nothing you could do as it came right at you... right!!! And you didn't think to run away? The shambling mass of dead flesh came charging towards you at approximately 0.2mph and you still managed to get yourself bit by it... WHAT A TOTAL AND UTTER ARSE!!! HAHAHAHA...
On the planet that was commonly known as Tzegorp, three famous aliens who started the first ever “Mixed Species-Intergalactic-Boy Band” now find themselves charged with a heinous crime!
This was one of the first stories I wrote (third or perhaps fourth) sometime in my early twenties. It came about from finding that the music of the time had started throwing-up an unhealthy craze for bland boy-bands! This story was a way for me to vent my feelings of that time!